On Friday, Jason and I went skiing. Utah hasn’t gotten ANY snow in WEEKS. It’s very depressing. So, we spent the day speeding down the groomers. On our last run, I decided I would hit up one of the jumps. Of course, I chose the biggest one, which was also the last one in the terrain park.
I’ve been trying this new tactic where I don’t think about doing crazy things; I just got for it. Then, I can’t talk myself out of it. So, I start zooming down the hill towards this jump. I figured I needed tons of speed so I’d make it over the flat. I was going so fast that I’m pretty sure I broke the land speed record on skis. I don’t know this for a fact, but the people behind me could probably see sparks coming out of my skis. I had perfect form going on the ramp. However, this was no ordinary ramp, a piece of information I hadn’t deduced until I was actually going off of it. This ramp could probably launch a space shuttle into space. It had a nice, gradual curve, until at the last minute, it slopes to a 90 degree angle from the ground. My colossal speed and the ferocity of the ramp catapulted me into the air in a gravity-defying fury. While in the air, the ground disappeared from under my skis and the world went silent. I looked to my right, and there was a bald eagle flying next to me. The eagle smiled at me and said, “There is enough patriotism here. I am needed elsewhere.” Realizing that the ground was hurtling toward me at an alarming rate, I thought, “This may or may not end well.” Actually, my thoughts were more like, “OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP.” That glimmer of a doubt did enough to make my landing less than graceful. I landed, tipped over, bounced off my hip, and got back up. I SURVIVED! Not only did I survive, but I COMPLETELY CLEARED THE LANDING RAMP. I landed OUTSIDE of the terrain park. Boom. I came, I saw, I conquered.
I became a legend at the ski resort that day. On my way down the rest of the run, I could hear the other skiers speaking about me in hushed tones. “That AIR!” they said. “That JUMP!” they said. Today, my soreness is at full potency and I have a sprained finger, but I will always remember January 24, 2014 as the glorious day I (almost) flew.
***DISCLAIMER: This account is historically accurate, except for the eagle part. That just made the story better.